The phrase is forever etched into my mind: "Did you just PISS yourself?!?" Those are the very words that I heard, which started quite a wild adventure...
One weekend, my girlfriend
and I were visiting a friend of mine in another state. And one night, 5 of us piled into her little white Camry and went to a nightclub. Well, the bathrooms in those places are very often just nasty - and sometimes even dangerous. To make matters worse, those place get so packed that making your way to the bathroom is an event...
At the end of the night, we were heading out and I had to pee - but not super badly. So I figured I could hold it. But soon after getting into the car, I was no longer sweating off all the excess alcohol I had drank that night and it was going straight to my bladder. As it is, alcohol makes you have to pee anyway. Plus, one of my favorite drinks at the time was red bull and vodka. It gave me a buzz and kept me going without sleep, all in one drink. I had my issues, ok?
Needless to say, within minutes I had to pee like crazy...and it just kept getting worse.
But we had JUST left the nightclub a few minutes earlier, so the other girls' patience for my bladder was pretty low. Plus, we weren't on city streets anymore - we were on the beltway going around the city. They don't have rest areas...we would have had to exit off the beltway and go to a fast food restaurant so little old me could have her tinkle time. No way. In a way, I think the girls thought it was funny to "punish" me for being too stupid to go before we left. Plus they were all drunk and most of us weren't 21 yet, so everyone just wanted to get home as fast as possible. The driver wasn't drunk, but she'd had more to drink than she should have...so the sooner we get home, the better!
But I didn't even care at the time. I was focused in on one thing – my bladder, which was about to burst. I held it as long as I could, with my legs crossed, then trying to relax, then pulling myself down against the seat. I couldn't believe it...I wasn't sure if I'd make it. I wanted to shout, "Come on, drive faster!!!"
Then all of a sudden I felt the first little bit leak out...and I was done. I just couldn't hold it anymore. It was like I stuck a needle in a water balloon, which suddenly made the whole thing burst. I was wearing jeans and for whatever bizarre reason, I actually believed that I could hide it! There were three of us packed into the back seat and I was next to a window, just gazing out the window like nothing was happening...as I am literally pissing in my pants. And my bladder was FULL...it felt like forever, but I probably peed for a full 20 to 30 seconds. I couldn't believe it was happening, but the warm liquid wetting my crotch and then running down my legs
reminded me that this was the real deal. I could feel the seat beneath me getting soaked. But it was dark...so I thought maybe no one would notice until we got to the house and then I could figure out something then. I'd just walk into the house behind them or hold something out in front of myself. But then the girl next to me suddenly broke the silence and asked me...
"Did you just PISS yourself?!?!"
She was sitting up off the seat as she asked, looking down and wondering why the seat felt wet. And immediately, the girls all started rolling down their windows...it wasn't diluted at all so it smelled like urine in the car very quickly. So what did we do?
The girls made me take my jeans and thong off...she slowed the car down...and I literally threw my piss-soaked jeans out the window! I know I shouldn't litter and all that, but...you know the other cars HAD to wonder what was going on when a pair of jeans and a thong go flying out the window.
But that wasn't enough...the seat was soaked underneath me and the girl next to me. And it still did smell of course. Like throwing the jeans out the window would totally solve that issue! So as soon as we exited off the highway, we pulled into the very first place we came across: a McDonald's. Crowded with people. And keep in mind that I was now wearing nothing at all from the waist down!
One of the girls had a sweatshirt, which she gave me to try to wrap aroun.... more